


hello angel

by i_was_human



Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: Angels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boba is Trying Her Best, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Gen, Guardian Angels, Minsoo is a Disaster, angel bureaucracy, fuck it if boba uses he/him pronouns in canon then the angel is trans, the gang's all here, what even is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25072354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_was_human/pseuds/i_was_human
Summary: Boba really doesn't get paid enough for this.Or: Boba is Dongho's guardian angel - and she didn't expect to get the rest of MAYHEM as a package deal.
Relationships: Boba (Lost in Translation) & Everyone, Boba (Lost in Translation) & Kang Dongho | D.Min
Comments: 16
Kudos: 76





	1. the world gave you to me

Boba has always been... somewhat of an oddity among guardian angels.

While most angels take four or five charges (and certain overachievers take up to twenty - the exact same people who bring homecooked meals to their yearly potlucks and talk _all about_ how successful their charges are to the extent that boba would _gladly_ dropkick them out a window, michael's wrath be damned) Boba herself currently has only one.

Honestly, she's pretty satisfied with this arrangement.

In her experience, ninety-nine percent of humans are horrible creatures that don't _deserve_ a guardian angel, much less _her_ services, so she's fairly happy that she's at least found _one_ good one.

Kang Dongho.

She's been his angel for... twelve years now? Since he was sixteen, so twelve.

 _Wow_ , time flies.

She can still vividly remember the day she chose to protect him. She was taking a stroll on Earth in the guise of a cat - her preferred form - when a bunch of delinquents decided to tackle her and break her hind leg - and, subsequently, her wing. Dongho chased them away and carried her to the vet, taking care of her for the time it took her wing and leg to heal, and, well-

he didn't _have_ to do any of that, but he did it anyway.

The night her wing healed enough to fly home, she filed an application to be his guardian angel.

(raphael wouldn't stop laughing, the asshole. who the hell even does paperwork _voluntarily_ , anyways?)

((someone who really has something to prove, that's who))

Boba had seven years of _blissful_ solitude, alone with her human, and then her human got accepted to join an idol group, and now she has to deal with _these_ dumbshits.

At first, it was Lee Minsoo - who would wake her up at stupid o'clock am shouting about some game or something - and then it was Kim Daehyun - who bickers with her human relentlessly - and then it was Ahn Jaewon - who seems to, for some reason, hate everyone else's guts.

Boba can relate.

Still, things were going alright for a while. Her human was busy, but he was safe, so things were going great.

And then Boba fucks up.

She shifts into her angel form one night, so as to attend a meeting (performance review _her ass_ , she's been doing _great_ ) when someone gasps in the hallway.

Loudly.

And _oh_ , of _fucking_ course it's Kim Daehyun. Why _wouldn't_ it be Kim fucking Daehyun?

"Hyung!" he shouts, and were Boba not contractually forbidden from wringing his neck, she would've. "Dongho-hyung has a girlfriend!"

"Dongho-hyung has a girlfriend?" Minsoo queries, voice the exact cadence of an annoying seagull. 

Dongho, bless his heart, doesn't wake up.

He's the only human she likes.

"Shut _up_ , you dumbshits," Boba snaps, stepping out of the room and closing the door behind her. "I'm _not_ his girlfriend."

Of course, Minsoo isn't listening.

"How have we never seen you before? Hyung never mentioned you!"

"Shut _up_ ," Boba grouses, folding her arms over her chest. "Okay- where's red?"

"Jaewon-hyung?" Daehyun asks, and Boba nods.

"Yeah. Red."

"Um... probably asleep? Why?"

"Get him in here, 'cause I'm only explaining this once."

* * *

Jaewon blinks at her, hair sticking up in strange places, and Boba can only imagine it's because he's trying to work out what the fuck he's seeing here.

Good. Maybe it'll prove he does have a brain.

"So," she states, leaning forwards to rest her chin on her hands, "I'm Boba."

"Wha-"

"Shut up, human," Boba snaps, glaring at Minsoo. "Let me finish."

She waits for rebuttal, and, upon seeing none forthcoming, continues. "I'm Boba, and I'm a guardian angel. _Dongho's_ guardian angel, to be precise."

Two confused faces and one exhausted one stare back at her, and she sighs, standing and moving to the center of the room. "Here."

She unfurls her wings, and Minsoo explodes.

"Wow! Are those real? How do they work? Can you fly? How are they created? How do you switch forms? Oh my god, that's so _cool_ -"

"Hyung," Jaewon helplessly states, and Minsoo flops back onto the couch, lips pursed in a frown.

"I was just curious..."

"Don't poke the cat," Daehyun advises, looking very much like he would like to poke the cat. 

Boba shifts back into her cat form, glaring at him as she licks her paw. He shivers - good - and Minsoo leans over, staring into her eyes.

"Wow, you can't even tell," he breathes, leaning in to poke her nose. "She- _ah_!"

If anyone asks the next morning, Boba will vehemently deny being the source of the claw marks on Minsoo's face.

At the moment, though-

she's inordinately proud of herself.

* * *

"What happened to your face?"

Dongho stares at the bright red claw marks across Minsoo's face, and the leader pouts, gaze flitting to the living room.

"Boba scratched me."

"Well, what did you do?"

"I tried to pet her!"

"Impossible. You must've irritated her."

Minsoo scowls, but lets Dongho leave nonetheless.

* * *

"Hey."

Daehyun blinks, wheeling to see Boba perched atop the counter. She looks like a very irritated _ajumma_ like this, hair pulled into a severe bun and eyes narrowed, but he doesn't say that.

(they've all seen minsoo's face.)

"Hi, noona," Daehyun smiles, stirring the contents of the pot. "What's up?"

"I'm taking some."

Daehyun yelps as Boba strides across the room, plucking a noodle out of the pot and taking a bite. To clarify: she sticks her _entire hand_ in _boiling water_ and pulls it back out, completely unharmed.

Daehyun's not sure if he wants to cry from intimidation or from the loss of his dinner.

"Thanks," Boba simply states, and Daehyun watches as the cat trots out of the kitchen, a noodle hanging from her mouth.

Hm.

Maybe he should start making food just for Boba.

* * *

"Hyung, your cat stole my lunch."

Dongho stares - first at the empty plate, then at Daehyun. 

Then back to the plate.

"You had _lasagna_."

"Exactly," Daehyun replies. "She stole my lunch."

Dongho stares at him, and very slowly backs out of the kitchen.

* * *

Jaewon _really_ should drink less caffeine.

He chews on the end of his pencil as he scribbles down an answer, grasping blindly for his coffee.

He can't reach it.

He raises his head, and his gaze lands on Boba - the cat sitting next to the edge of the table, his coffee mug in front of her paws.

"No," he weakly protests, and Boba tilts her head, pushing the mug closer to the edge. "Noona, please."

Boba blinks at him, and for a moment, Jaewon thinks his mug might actually survive this.

Then the cat shoves it off the table and leaps onto the ground, deftly avoiding the debris as it shatters.

Jaewon _liked_ that mug.

* * *

"What happened to your mug?"

Jaewon raises his head to stare at him, dark-rimmed eyes haunted. "Boba killed it."

Dongho stares at him, and Jaewon nods, expression dull. "It died too soon, hyung."

"...are you okay?"

"It died too soon," Jaewon repeats, and Dongho wisely decides to leave the room. "It died too soon..."

* * *

"Alright!" 

Minsoo claps his hands, lithe frame laced with frenetic energy. "I called this dorm meeting to address the poor actions of one of our roommates!"

He pulls out his extendable pointer and thrusts it in Boba's direction, the angel blinking at him from her position in Dongho's lap. "Specifically Boba!"

"She's a cat," Dongho deadpans, and Minsoo shakes his head.

"She is an _angel_."

"...yes, I know."

"No, hyung-"

Minsoo scoops Boba out of Dongho's lap in one deft motion, and Daehyun cringes, already aware of what's going to happen. "See? She can fly!"

He hurls Boba into the air, and the cat goes soaring.

Daehyun has never seen a man move that fast in his fucking _life_.

One second, Dongho's sitting on the couch, and the next, he's tackling Boba out of the air, the cat cradled to his chest. "Minsoo, _what the fuck_."

Minsoo grins, though Daehyun can see the fear in his eyes. "I'm gonna die, aren't I?"

Dongho nods, and in his arms, Boba mimes slashing her neck. Minsoo gestures at her, mouth opening and closing silently for a moment before he finds his words. 

"... _how can she do that_?"

"You should run," Daehyun helpfully advises, and Minsoo pales, head slowly turning to stare at him.

"Thank you, Dae-yah."

"I'll give you a head start," Dongho states, and Minsoo smiles weakly.

"Thanks, hyung."

"Three-"

" _Oh, fuck_ -"

* * *

Has Boba mentioned she hates angel potlucks? Because _god_ does she hate angel potlucks.

On the plus side - actual, non-cat food.

On the minus side, Gabriel.

" _Ho-ney_!" Gabriel beams, draping himself over her like a particularly overachieving shawl. "You're _back_!"

"Against my will," Boba deadpans, taking a sip of her tea.

Huh. It's not terrible. 

"So, how's the _boy_? World famous yet?"

"I will chain you to a boulder and throw you into hell, and then I will _watch_ as you burn alive and the flesh melts off your bones."

"Aww, you're so cute," Gabriel beams, apparently unperturbed by her overt hostility. " _Well_ , I gotta go - I can see Raphael already getting a little _tipsy_ , if y'know what I mean - but don't be a stranger, sweetie!"

"Die!" she calls after him, and once satisfied he won't be returning, she settles into a small corner of the banquet hall, watching crowds of vapid angels discuss vapid subjects.

God, she hates them.

"Bo!" someone calls, and Boba's eyebrow twitches as she turns, gaze landing on a familiar head of blue hair.

"Hello, Jay."

"That's just mean," Jay pouts, flopping into the chair beside her. "How are you a guardian angel if you're so _mean_?"

"I'm older than you, brat."

"How are you a guardian angel if you're so mean, _noona_ ," Jay cheekily replies, and Boba smacks him. " _Ow_! Why are you so _mean_?"

"I've earned it," Boba snaps, and Jay shrugs.

"Yeah, but... is it because you only have one human?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"You should get out more!" Jay enthuses, and Boba's eyebrow twitches with irritation. "Find more humans!"

"I'm fine with one, thanks."

"But that's so _lonely-_ "

"You have _three_."

"And I socialize _great_!"

"Whoever told you that was clearly lying."

"Wah- _rude_!"

"Boba," someone states, and Boba wheels, gaze landing on an exhausted Raphael. Well- he's _always_ exhausted, so he's really just at his normal, but he's a sight to behold nonetheless. "Can I speak with you?"

"Sure," Boba sighs, and Raphael nods, gesturing for her to follow him into the back rooms of the building.

(jay flashes her a thumbs-up, the ass)

"What did you want to talk to me about?" she states as soon as the roar of the party dies down, and Raphael sighs, massaging the space between his eyebrows.

"Look, Bo-"

"Out with it."

"You're going to need to take on another human."

For a moment, Boba's sure she heard him wrong.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"You're under review," Raphael sighs. "There's talk that you're misusing your abilities. _Wasting_ them, protecting only one human."

"I've done things this way for _millennia_ -"

"I _know_. But these are the rules. You have to take on another human."

"Fine," Boba hisses. "How long do I have?"

"One earth year."

"That's- that's so _short_. _Too_ short, Raphael."

"These are the rules," Raphael sighs, and Boba itches to punch him in his infuriatingly handsome face. "I'm sorry, Boba."

"Screw you."

* * *

Dongho's woken up by a soft thumping sound ringing through the air.

He props himself up on his elbows, reaching up to rub his eyes, and the thumping sound increases in volume, a quiet scratching following it.

Ah.

He stumbles towards the door, pulling it open and scooping Boba up in his arms. "Hey, baby," he mumbles, pressing his cheek into the cat's fur. "Where were you, hmm?"

Boba nuzzles deeper into his grasp, and he grins, kicking the door shut and carrying his precious cargo towards his bed. "You're tired, huh?"

"...whuz'goin'on?"

Minsoo pokes his head out of his blanket cocoon, and Dongho and Boba send him matching glares that have the leader diving back in. 

"Missed you," Dongho mumbles, and Boba "meow"s in response, leaning up to lick his nose. "You missed me too?"

Boba seems almost to nod, and Dongho's grin widens as he places her on the bed, crawling back under the covers as he reaches up to scratch her head. "I'm glad you're back."

" _Possession,_ " Minsoo hisses, and Dongho glares at him once more.

"Soo-yah."

"You're _possessed_."

"Go to sleep."

"I'm gonna get the holy water-"

"Go to _sleep_ , Minsoo."

 _Another human, huh_? Boba muses, gaze flitting to Minsoo's unconscious form. _Well, it won't be him_.

Boba may be an angel, but she has standards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello angel...
> 
> i'm addicted to exo
> 
> slow updates because i shouldn't even be starting this in the first place much less publishing it hfjkdghkjdfg pls comment if it takes me longer than two weeks


	2. i will protect you so your heart isn’t broken or cracked

The funny thing is-

the funny thing is. 

What a terrible way to open a sentence. 

The funny thing _is_ , Boba muses, she sees _everything_ in the dorms. _Everything_.

This includes things she would _much rather not see_ (thank you, minsoo) but more than that, things that _need_ to be seen. 

This-

this is one of them.

Jaewon sits on the couch, a cup of cold coffee in front of him as his fingers drum anxious staccatos on the pillow in his grasp. His phone reflects page after page of comments at him, and he scrolls through them with a sort of practiced ease - something that hurts him, but something he needs to do anyways.

Or, well.

Something he thinks he needs to do. 

Boba genuinely can't understand why he does this - some sort of sick self-flagellation? - but as he scrolls through page after page of words, she feels she can (somewhat) understand.

He wants to be better.

But- the thing is.

These comments aren't constructive criticism. They're not even _criticism_. They're just _insults_ , plain and simple.

"Go to bed," she states, and Jaewon yelps, phone shooting out of his hands and clattering to the floor.

"Ah- noona- I-"

"Go to _bed_ ," she repeats, stepping forwards to scoop up the phone. She shifts back into a cat as she strides towards Dongho's room, and Jaewon can only stare, rendered helpless, as she trots away, his phone between her teeth.

"Noona..."

* * *

"See?"

Dongho blinks up at Minsoo, eyes narrowed, and his gaze eventually focuses on the phone in his hands, bewilderment washing over him.

"Why do you have Jaewon-ah's phone?"

"It was on your pillow!" Minsoo exclaims, gesturing wildly to Boba as if that'll explain anything. "Boba did it!"

"...Boba doesn't have opposable thumbs."

"Yes, she _does_!"

Dongho squints at him, one eyebrow ticking up. "Do you need to see someone, Soo-yah?"

"Wha- _I'm not crazy!_ "

"Oh, hyung-"

Jaewon pokes his head into the room, crimson hair a bird's nest on his head. "Do you have my phone?"

"Boba took it!" Minsoo shouts, gesturing wildly at the blissfully sleeping cat. "She did, right?"

"Um-"

"Go back to sleep," Dongho mutters, mashing his face into the pillow. 

" _Why don't you believe me?_ "

"She's a _cat_!"

* * *

By mid-morning, it's just Minsoo and Dongho in the dorms (Daehyun off busking and Jaewon at a meeting) so it's the perfect opportunity for Boba's new favorite pastime.

That is to say, making Dongho think Minsoo is absolutely insane.

The first part is almost laughably simple. She unplugs Minsoo's laptop and hides his phone, then curls up on Dongho's bed, for all intents and purposes completely innocent.

After all - how could Dongho believe a cat could unplug Minsoo's things?

When Minsoo inevitably comes back into their room to play games, he opens his laptop, only to frown as the screen refuses to light up. "What?"

He reaches for his phone - but that's missing too.

" _Dongho-hyung!_ "

"What?" Dongho calls, clearly irked - possibly from being woken up at six in the morning.

Shocker.

"Boba unplugged my laptop!"

"She is a _cat_ , Minsoo."

"Yeah...?"

"A _cat_."

"She's an angel!"

A long, drawn-out sigh.

"I want you to think about this for a few seconds, Minsoo-yah."

" _I'm not crazy!_ "

"Sure."

* * *

When Jaewon comes home, he's very clearly upset.

Boba doesn't need to be an expert on humans to tell as much - he absolutely _reeks_ of despair - and she trots over to him as he enters the house, headbutting his leg until he indulges her with pets. 

"Your cat _stole my mouse_ -"

"It's a _computer mouse_!"

"Yeah! And she stole it!"

"Cats don't steal mice, you _idiot_ -"

Ah, sweet chaos.

Boba lets Jaewon pick her up (see? sweet, kind, cat) and carry her to the couch, settling in on his lap as he pulls out his phone.

And-

really?

She peers at the words on the screen for a moment before she swats the phone from his grasp, and he yelps, scrambling for it even as she leaps off his lap. One-two-three and it's easy to swat the phone under the T.V. stand, leaving Jaewon to stare despairingly at the new resting place for his phone while Boba heads off for her fourth nap of the day.

* * *

"Why... are you just lying on the sofa?"

Jaewon stares into the ceiling, eyes dull and expression devoid of life. "Boba knocked my phone under the T.V. stand."

"You didn't try and get it?"

"It's the T.V. stand's now," Jaewon dismally replies, and Dongho backs away, unsure of why everyone he knows seems to have suddenly lost their minds.

* * *

Boba sits on the toilet as Jaewon painstakingly applies makeup, rimming his eyes with dark liner and brushing on the faintest hint of red shadow. It looks... nice.

Now, Boba's never personally had experience with makeup (mostly due to being a cat) but it does look nice on Jaewon.

"Do you want to try some, noona?" Jaewon offers, and Boba stares at him, unsure of _why_ , exactly, he's offering - both because she's a cat and because she kinda hates his guts - but nods regardless. "Um... as a cat or as a, y'know-"

"Brat," Boba huffs, already in human form. 

"Um-"

"How do you do these things?"

"I-"

"Give me that."

"Ah, noona-"

Boba squirts a bit of foundation onto her hand, and she stares at it for a moment, visibly bewildered. "What is this?"

"It's foundation," Jaewon smiles, and _who gave him the right to look so happy_? "You put it on your face."

"...humans are weird."

"Do you want help?"

"I can apply _foundation_ , thank you."

Approximately half an hour later, Boba is forced to acknowledge that _no_ , she does _not_ know how to apply foundation, and Jaewon very carefully wipes it from her brows and eyes, a soft smile on his lips all the while.

"Why are you helping me?"

"Because you're my friend."

Boba fucking _stares_.

"...what?"

"You're my friend," Jaewon repeats, that hell-damned smile brightening his face, and _goddammit_ who gave this _human_ the right to look like the sun shines from his very being? "Of course I want to help you."

He checks his phone and yelps, stuffing it into his pocket and raking his hands through his hair. "Ah, ah, I'm late- I have to go! I'm sorry, noona, please stay safe, okay bye-"

The door slams shut, and Boba reaches up to brush her brows with shaking hands, the memory of Jaewon's smile still fresh in her mind.

...she doesn't understand him.

But she has to pay him back, right? That's how this works.

* * *

"Who made this?"

"Boba."

Dongho stares at the melted lump of sludge that might once have been food, then back at Minsoo.

"...do you need to see someone?"

"No, hyung-"

Minsoo flails wildly for a moment, mouth opening and closing a few times before he gestures to the half-melted saucepan. "This wasn't any of us!"

"That's what you'd say if you did it," Dongho points out, and Minsoo groans.

"This was- this was Boba! She's an angel who can turn into a human and melt our pans!"

Dongho stares at him, visibly concerned, and Minsoo throws his hands into the air, storming out of the room.

"Do you-"

" _No!_ "

* * *

When Jaewon returns, Boba can tell he's upset.

His eyeshadow is smeared - and not the normal kind that comes from natural wear.

No - this is smeared like he's been rubbing his eyes, and Boba isn't anywhere near naive enough to believe it's because of allergies.

The other three don't bat an eye - except Minsoo, who tells Jaewon he's going to need the shower in around fifteen minutes - so Boba hops off the couch and trots after him, winding around his legs like the plane from that one movie Dongho adores.

"Noona," Jaewon whispers, and _god_ , he sounds so tired - so bone-deep tired, deeper than Boba could ever fix alone. "Please."

Boba stops short, and Jaewon steps over her, gathering up a baggy hoodie and sweatpants before trudging off to the shower. And _god_ , he's _telegraphing_ his misery - sadness rolls off him in waves - and Boba genuinely does not understand how _anyone_ could miss this.

She races into the living room and meows at Dongho, pawing his leg in an attempt to get his attention. 

_"Jaewon's sad, Jaewon's hurting, can't you see? Why aren't you doing anything?"_

(she says what she means, and ignores the fact that it's a futile effort.)

"I fed you, sweetheart," Dongho murmurs, and Boba wants to scream.

_"Jaewon! It's Jaewon! Not me!"_

"Do you want a tummy scratch?"

Boba loves Dongho. She really does.

And yet, at that moment, she really wants to smack him.

 _"I have to do everything myself,"_ she mews, trotting off towards the bathroom. 

It's easy enough to shift to human, and she takes a seat outside the bathroom, head resting on the wood. "Jaewon?"

Nobody responds.

"Jaewon-ah, what's wrong?"

Still no response.

"Did someone hurt you?"

"...why do you want to know?"

Boba can hear rustling fabric, and there's a soft _thunk_ against the door - Jaewon taking a seat on his side, then.

"Am I not allowed to ask?"

"Yeah, but... why?"

Jaewon sounds... genuinely bewildered that she's coming here.

Why?

"Because you were crying," she simply replies. "I don't like seeing people cry."

Well. Unless that person is Minsoo.

"...I'm okay, noona."

"Mhm."

Boba definitely doesn't believe him, but she lets the matter drop.

* * *

The next time Jaewon has to go to a meeting, Boba follows him. 

She hovers in the corner of the room as a fly, trying to adjust to the way _seeing_ works like this (it's actually quite irritating) when Jaewon walks in, head bowed and expression blank.

"You're late."

Boba's almost positive Jaewon is actually _early_ , but the idol flinches regardless.

"You know what I expect of you, Wyld."

"...yes, sir."

"I gave you time, and you failed to deliver. Why is that?"

"..."

" _Answer me_."

"I... there's no excuse. I'm sorry, sir-"

The CEO's hand slams into Jaewon's cheek.

At the same moment, Boba's filled with a combination of rage and conviction.

Rage - because _how fucking dare he_ touch Jaewon like that, how _fucking dare he_ hurt someone as genuinely kind as Jaewon (and boba may not have known him for that long, but she'll be damned if jaewon turns out to be a bad person) who's completely at his mercy, and conviction to _do something about it_.

"I should add onto your debt," the CEO muses, and Jaewon's eyes shimmer, gaze falling to his hands. "One million for every scandal you fail at?"

"Sir-"

" _Don't speak unless I address you._ "

Jaewon falls silent, hands clenching and unclenching in his lap, and Boba's seen enough.

* * *

Whoever the hell gave Michael this job really wanted to see him suffer.

 _Not only_ has Raphael fallen asleep at his desk (again! _again_! this is the _fifth time this week_!) which is an HR _nightmare_ , Gabriel _won't stop talking_ about one of his angels, and, worst of all, _he's out of booze_.

"This was supposed to be a good job," Michael grouses, staring at the paperwork on his desk. "A _reward_. A _reward for being a good person_. If this is a reward, maybe I'll just transfer to _Hell_. At least _they have benefits_."

"And murder is legal," Raphael chips in, dropping a stack nearly as tall as he is on Michael's desk. "This is from the last three hours."

Michael leans around the stack of papers to peer at Raphael, and he blinks, slow and lethargic. Raphael looks... far too happy to be here to be sober, Michael thinks. Nobody here smiles unless they're drunk.

"You're drunk."

"Yep."

"I won't tell if you give me a box."

" _Guys_!"

Gabriel throws open the door, and the paperwork teeters ominously, casting a shadow over a stunned Michael.

"Guess-"

It topples.

Papers flutter around the room, blanketing every inch of floor (still half-covered from the _last time this happened_ ) and Michael's apathetic form, a few sheets making a nest in his hair.

Silence reigns for a moment, and Raphael leans forwards, brushing the papers off Michael's head and apparently trying to fix his hair. It's... markedly unsuccessful.

"Guess what?" Gabriel presses, hovering off the ground in an effort to not step on any papers. Unfortunately, this only serves to mess up the papers _more_ , and Raphael stares sadly as hundreds of pieces of paper flutter around the room.

"What," Michael hisses, a throbbing headache making itself at home between his eyebrows.

Can't murder Gabriel. It's an HR nightmare. _Can't murder Gabriel_.

"Boba found another human!"

It's only Raphael tackling him that stops Michael from wringing Gabriel's scrawny, moisturized neck.

* * *

"Yah. Yah, Ahn Jaewon."

Jaewon blinks, poking his head out of his blanket cocoon. "What?"

"Guess what."

Boba hovers in mid-air next to his bed, and Jaewon nearly shrieks as papers go fluttering across the floor. "Noona-"

"I sound like Gabriel," Boba growls, voice laced with distaste. "Ugh. Anyways. Starting today, I'm your guardian angel, too."

Jaewon stares at her. 

Then blinks.

Then continues to stare.

"What?"

"Try and keep up," Boba chastises, floating closer to flick him on the forehead. "I'm gonna be looking out for you. But that's not a free pass to do dumb things. It's more like... I can make things a bit better for you."

 _"From the looks of it, you could really use it"_ goes unspoken. 

"What?"

"Yah, are you even listening?"

"I am!" Jaewon stammers, jolting upright. His hands flail wildly, and Boba stores that away for later - _Ahn Jaewon talks with his hands_. "I just- why?"

"You seem like a good kid," Boba replies, and Jaewon stares at her, eyes wide. "And besides, I had a quota to fill."

"I see..."

Jaewon looks _really upset_ with that for some reason. Not for long - only half a second, if that - but Boba picks up on it nonetheless.

"Hey. Don't look like I just kicked your puppy. I don't do anything I don't want to do, y'know? And all things considered... I could've done a helluva lot worse."

Jaewon smiles, and for a moment, Boba wonders how the sun can exist indoors. "Thank you, noona."

God, he's adorable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boba: expressing love is weakness  
> jaewon: *exists*  
> boba: fuck


	3. city street lights when the lights go out

_"...police caution against traveling alone at night, due to the recent increase of muggings..."_

"Hey, noona?"

Boba raises her head, blinking lazily at a pensive Minsoo.

Strange. She didn't know he was capable of thinking.

"This is what you protect hyung and Jaewon-ah from, right?"

"Among others," Boba replies, and Minsoo gasps, eyes widening as he stares at her.

"Wha- you were just-"

"You prefer talking to cats?" Boba dryly asks, and when Minsoo doesn't respond, she continues. "Of course, it's the same I.Q., so I'm not surprised."

" _Hey_!"

"But yes. Muggings _do_ , generally, fall under my jurisdiction."

"Generally?"

"...yes. I handle muggings."

"Then can I ask you to watch Dae-yah?"

Boba blinks, momentarily thrown. "Why?"

"He's been going busking more often," Minsoo explains, "and I'm worried something might happen to him."

"...that's not my job."

"What?"

"That's not," Boba repeats, trying to pack as much force into her words as possible, " _my job_ , Lee Minsoo. I'm not responsible for Kim Daehyun, but I _am_ responsible for Dongho and Jaewon, and any time I spend away from them means they could be getting hurt."

"But-"

Boba hops off the couch, shifting into a cat before her feet hit the ground. She gives the leader a particularly nasty look before trotting off to Dongho's room, tail waving, and Minsoo sighs, flopping back into the cushions.

"Why do I even try?"

* * *

"Noona!"

Daehyun beams as Boba trots out of Dongho's room, and he pulls off his guitar case, leaning it against the wall before placing a pair of bags on the counter. "I got you cat treats!"

Boba perks up, and Daehyun beams, placing the third bag on the floor and pulling it open. "I also got you some toys! Like this mouse!"

He tosses it towards her, and Boba fires it right back at him.

Return to sender.

"How about this ball?"

Target acquired: Daehyun's forehead. Missile launched. Target destroyed.

"Ow... how about this laser pointer?"

Receipt? Boba thinks the fuck not.

"Ah, noona..."

Boba pokes her head into the bag and pulls out the cat treats, trotting towards Dongho's room with the bag dangling from her lips. It's kinda adorable, honestly, if you ignore the fact she just knocked a ten dollar laser pointer under the side table.

Daehyun stares at the table for a moment, and he accepts his fate.

* * *

"...Daehyun-ah?"

"Help," Daehyun wheezes, lips curled into a wide grin and occasional giggles spilling over his lips. "My arm- my arm's stuck-"

"What?" Dongho asks, and Daehyun bursts into laughter. "Why are you _laughing_?"

"I didn't get the laser pointer," Daehyun howls, though whether it's from rage, hysteria, or delight is unclear. " _I didn't get it, hyung_ -"

" _What_?"

"I didn't get it!" Daehyun wails, and Dongho sighs, turning to walk away. "No! Wait! Hyung-hyung-hyung- _wait_!"

* * *

"Kang Boba!"

Boba raises her head, tail flicking lazily as Minsoo points at her with a scrubber brush. "You stand accused of trapping Dae-yah under a table for three hours!"

"I trapped myself," Daehyun corrects, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "She just pushed the laser pointer under there-"

"And that is cruelty of the highest order!"

Minsoo throws a ball, and it bounces off her head, rolling to land between her paws. "And, as punishment, you'll be given a bath!"

Oh, _fuck_ no.

She fucking _runs_ out of the room, but only manages to make it to the hall before ring-clad fingers scoop her up.

"Noona?" Jaewon asks, lifting her so they can stare eye to eye. "Why are you running?"

" _Boba_!"

"Run!" Daehyun cries, and Jaewon sprints for their in-house studio, slamming the door behind him and locking it.

Truth be told, it's a broom closet, but. Semantics.

"You're very cute, noona," Jaewon murmurs, and Boba reaches up to bap him on the nose. "So cute..."

 _Bap_.

"Aww..."

"I know you're in there!" Minsoo shrieks, and the sounds of struggling floats through the door. "Dammit, Dae-"

"I'm doing this for everyone's good!" Daehyun shouts.

" _I'm gonna kick you in the face_!"

"You wouldn't!"

"You're right. I'll... I'll hide your guitar!"

"Not Tayler!"

"Should I go out there?" Jaewon whispers, and Boba shakes her head, snuggling into his chest.

Yes. This is a good human.

* * *

"Now, can someone tell me what the _fuck_ happened?"

Daehyun rubs his black eye, a pout on his lips and tears shimmering in his eyes as Minsoo sulks, gaze pinned on his feet. 

"What did you do?" Dongho snaps, pointing at Minsoo.

"Wha- I didn't do anything!"

"You elbowed me in the face!"

"I said I was sorry!"

On the other end of the table, Jaewon plays with Boba's paws, and, miraculously, the cat lets him.

"Why did you elbow Daehyun-ah in the face?" Dongho asks, sounding incredibly like a long-suffering parent.

"Because he was grabbing me!"

"Daehyun-ah, why were you grabbing him?"

"Because he wanted to get Boba!"

"She had to pay!"

"I didn't wanna make her pay!"

Dongho sighs, massaging the bridge of his nose. "Minsoo-yah. You wanted to exact vengeance on a _cat_. Is that correct?"

"Well, when you put it that way, it sounds stupid," Minsoo mumbles.

"Then how would _you_ put it?"

"I wanted vengeance on a guardian angel who got Daehyun's arm stuck under a table for three hours by being a spiteful bitch!"

Dongho stares at him for a moment, expression blank. "And this... this is better."

"Yes! Wait."

"Do you need to see someone?" Dongho asks, and Minsoo's face turns a rather impressive shade of puce. "I can call the company-"

" _I'm not insane_!"

He points at Daehyun, a triumphant grin on his lips. "See? Dae-yah will back me up!"

"Fascinating," Dongho replies, sounding like he thinks that may be the least fascinating thing he's ever heard. "Daehyun-ah?"

Two pairs of eyes focus on him, and Daehyun pales, shifting back in his seat as both men's stares only intensify.

"...I have to go busking!"

"You can't use that as a way to get out of arguments!" Minsoo shouts as Daehyun stands, all but sprinting to his room. "Yah, Kim Daehyun!"

"I don't think he believes you," Dongho states, gaze flitting to Jaewon. "Jaewon-ah?"

Jaewon isn't listening - lost in the adorable world of Boba's paws.

"Why won't you _believe me_?" Minsoo demands, and Dongho throws his hands in the air. 

"You're insane, Lee Minsoo."

"I'm _not insane_!"

"Heading out!" Daehyun calls, and Dongho and Minsoo both raise a hand in farewell. "Be back later!"

"You don't have any proof," Dongho states, the thud of the dorm door swinging shut interrupting his words. "You sound insane."

"I'm _not insane_ , hyung!"

"Then prove it!"

"Noona!" Minsoo shouts, pointing at Boba. "Noona, turn into a human!"

Boba blinks lazily at him, tail swishing around her like a particularly hyperactive rattlesnake.

She doesn't move.

"Noona!" Minsoo repeats, gesturing frantically as though he can somehow turn her human with arm movements alone. "Do the human thing!"

 _"Human thing?"_ Boba thinks, staring at him with half-shut eyes. _"Bitch, please. I'm not moving."_

"Noona!" Minsoo all but begs, and Dongho sighs, pushing back his chair.

"You need help, Minsoo-yah."

"Wait, wait, wait-wait-wait-wait-wait- hyung! No! Come back!"

* * *

"I got you more treats, noona!"

As soon as Daehyun places the bag on the ground, Boba picks it up, the bag of treats dangling from her lips as she trots off to... god knows where. Probably some secret cat hidey-hole.

Can she eat those as a human? Do they taste the same?

Ah, the things you wonder when you know a magical shapeshifting guardian angel.

When Daehyun searches the dorm later, Boba's nowhere to be seen, and he resigns himself to the fact that she's probably in her Special Hiding Spot™ that none of them can ever find.

Ah, well.

At least she liked the treats.

Maybe if Daehyun buys her a hundred more, she'll actually like him!

* * *

"What is this?"

Michael stares at the small wrapped package, and Gabriel beams, gesturing for him to open it.

"C'mon! One of my _favorite_ angels sent it to me!"

That means absolutely nothing, considering every angel is Gabriel's favorite, but Michael opens it anyways.

"...this is a bag of cat treats, Gabriel."

"Oh?"

"An... empty bag of cat treats, from the sounds of it. Who sent you a-"

The smell assaults them as soon as Michael opens it, and it slips from his hands, the contents smearing over yesterday's paperwork.

Goddammit.

"Oh! I remember now!" Gabriel enthuses, snapping his fingers. "She said doggie bags were 'so last century' and that she wanted to do something 'high class'!"

...Boba, then.

She doesn't need the fire, Michael dimly muses - though God does he wish he could be. Either burned or just fired would be great, as long as it meant he could stop getting... kitty bags? Is that the right word?

There shouldn't be a right word.

Michael does not _want there to be_ a right word.

And yet, knowing humans, there probably is one anyways.

"I hear for your starting bonus in Hell, you get to kill a guy," Michael blissfully muses, scraping the contents back into the bag with a spare folder. "That sounds nice."

* * *

It's 1:28 in the morning.

It's 1:28 in the morning, and the sky's pitch-black, the only people outside right now the intoxicated or the clubbers.

It's 1:28 in the morning, and Daehyun still isn't home.

Boba sits in the entryway, tail lashing to and fro as she stares into the door.

She doesn't care.

She _does not care_.

And yet, she's sitting here anyways. Cold, and _not_ in Dongho's warm bed, _not_ calm and happy and asleep, _not_ doing anything she enjoys. 

Because she's waiting for this _idiot_.

He probably got lost, she thinks, staring at the door as though if she stares a little harder, it'll give way, revealing Daehyun.

Then she can _sleep_.

"Give me Daehyun," she hisses, staring at the obtrusive piece of wood. "Give me Daehyun, you incompetent failure of a door! You're old, and tacky, and disgusting, and a terrible door!"

Never let it be said Boba enjoys the company of doors. They're generally quite poor talkers - they're awfully _wooden_ , after all.

Heh. 

She should've been a stand-up comedian.

Boba's so wrapped-up in her bitter hatred of doors and other inanimate objects that she nearly misses the door start to creak open, but once she notices it, her ears perk up.

Daehyun's home. 

At only - she checks the clock - 1:43 in the morning!

Dongho's going to murder him. 

Daehyun steps - limps - into the room, and Boba blinks as he places his hand on the wall, a soft sniff floating through the air. 

"What happened?"

Daehyun raises his head to blink at her, weariness evident. "Noona...?"

"What happened, Daehyun?"

Boba flicks on the light, and once Daehyun's thrown into sharp relief, she does nothing but stare.

His lip's split, blood smeared over his chin and temple. Bruises paint his pale skin violet, and there's dirt smeared on his jacket and jeans, some coating his knees where his jeans have split. 

And yet, as Boba stares at him, she realizes one thing more.

"Where's your guitar?"

Instead of responding, Daehyun bursts into tears.

"Hey, hey, hey," Boba soothes, moving forwards to wrap her arms around Daehyun's back. It's... undeniably awkward, but Daehyun leans into it like he's starved for touch. "It's okay."

"I was- I was at the store," Daehyun gasps, tears rolling down his cheeks, "and- and I stopped to pick up some treats, and- and they jumped me in the alley, and they- they took my bags and _Tayler_ -"

Well.

Now Boba feels terrible.

"I'm sorry I lost your treats," Daehyun wails, and Boba reaches up to rub his back, unsure of what to say. "I'm _sorry_ -"

"Dae, you... you don't need to apologize..."

Boba feels like the worst angel ever. 

"It's okay," Boba woodenly soothes, reaching up to stroke his hair. "You're okay."

Maybe the door would be better conversation.

* * *

"Gay. Gay. Gabriel."

"Boba!" Gabriel cheers, raising his head to grin at her. "Nice to see you! How's the new kid?"

"Yeah, yeah. Save it. I have more paperwork for you."

" _More_?" Gabriel gasps, staring at her with wide eyes. "You found _another_ human!"

"Yes," Boba simply states, plunking a stack of papers on the desk. "Bye."

"Wait! Who is it?"

"Kim Daehyun," Boba replies, and Gabriel beams, as unflinchingly positive as ever.

"I don't know who that is, but he sounds cute!"

"...hm."

"I'll get this processed for you!" Gabriel calls, watching Boba leave. "And thanks for the present!"

"Screw you, Gabriel."

"Love you too, Boba!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter coming... eventually hjfhgkd
> 
> IT IS COMING THO
> 
> also i felt so bad writing this chapter bc there's more angst than crack but it is what it is i guess lool
> 
> also also... unbeta'd... please lmk abt awkward typos


	4. you are probably hiding your wings behind your back

Minsoo holds eye contact with Boba as he swallows his pills, flipping her the bird as he washes them down with a glass of water.

Boba may or may not be enjoying this far too much.

"Hyung," Daehyun frowns, drifting into the room to give Boba head scratches, "don't be mean to noona."

"You've turned my family against me," Minsoo grumbles, paying Daehyun no heed. "How cruel can one cat be?"

"She's not cruel-"

"How dare you," Minsoo continues, pointing his fork in her direction. "How dare you, noona."

Boba, maintaining eye contact, proceeds to raise her leg and start licking her ass.

"Wha- _you spiteful_ -"

Daehyun snorts, and Minsoo's head whips around, wide-eyed gaze meeting his. "Now _you're_ laughing at me?"

"You're yelling at a cat," Daehyun points out, and Minsoo makes a rather impressive sound that sounds like a mix between a murderous scream and an infuriated growl.

"She's a _shapeshifting cat_."

"You have anti-psychotics."

"Wha- _she's the one lying_!"

"Minsoo-yah," Dongho cuts in, and Minsoo pales, slowly turning to face the elder.

"Yes?"

"Why are you yelling at my cat?"

"She was licking her ass," Minsoo replies, then pales. "Oh, no."

"Cats do that," Dongho states, and Minsoo slams his forehead into the counter, a muffled scream escaping his lips. "Are you sure they're working-"

" _You are the dumbest person I have ever met_!"

"I'm not the one who just slammed my forehead into granite," Dongho points out, and Minsoo screams.

"I! Am taking a _stand_! Against the _tyranny_ of _that cat_!"

He punctuates each word with a poke to Dongho's chest, and the eldest seems... entirely unamused. 

"Mhm. Can I get my coffee now?"

Minsoo shrieks, high and wordless, and Dongho pushes around him to pour himself a cup. "I will _prove it_ , Kang Dongho! You just wait!"

"Dongho-hyung," Dongho simply replies, and Minsoo throws his pill bottle at his head.

* * *

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"This is a _great_ idea," Boba assures him, perching on top of the toilet seat. "I wanna mess with Minsoo a bit more."

"...okay."

Jaewon uncaps the lipstick, and Boba sits still as he smears it over her lips, his tongue poking out from between his own. "Mmm... I think... that's good..."

"Jaewon?"

Boba shifts back into a cat within seconds, and Jaewon shrieks as the lipstick smears over the cat's face, streaks of red clumping in her fur.

He's dead.

"Have you seen..."

Dongho pokes his head into the room, staring first at Jaewon, then at Boba.

Then back at Jaewon.

"Did you just smear my cat with lipstick?"

"Well," Jaewon automatically replies, "technically she's the dorm's cat."

That was... not the right answer.

"Have fun washing that off," Dongho simply replies, pulling the door shut, and Jaewon turns, gaze landing on a sulking Boba.

"I guess you won't sit still while I wash you off...?"

A shake of the head.

"Oh..."

* * *

_"Not the face! Not the face!"_

Dongho pauses outside the bathroom, lips curling into a small grin as he hears Jaewon's shrieks and the spraying of a shower faucet.

Never let it be said he doesn't enjoy physical comedy.

"I'm coming!" Minsoo crows, and Dongho sidesteps the frantic leader, letting him crash into the door. "Ow- _damn you, Boba-noona_!"

He stuffs his hands into his pockets, resolving to leave the batshit-insane leader to being a batshit-insane leader, and heads for his room, already wondering if he should buy Boba that new cat toy she was eyeing.

 _"I will murder you and everyone you love!"_ Minsoo shrieks, and Dongho wedges his earbuds in his ears, humming a song he heard on the radio as he walks away from the chaos.

He's doing great.

Besides, Boba could easily take them in a fight.

* * *

"What're you doing?"

Boba hops on the table, glaring down at the head of white hair hidden by folded arms. "You're sulking."

"Go away," Minsoo mumbles, voice laced with misery.

"Mm. No."

Boba leans in to poke his cheek, and Minsoo groans, swatting her hand away as he burrows deeper into the cave his arms create. "This is your fault," he mumbles, and Boba blinks, bewildered.

"What?"

"I have to take these pills 'cause of you," Minsoo huffs, and he raises his head, messy locks falling in his eyes. "And I feel like _crap_."

"Hm?"

"I feel like I just got run over by a twenty-wheeler."

"Is that even a truck?"

"Fuck you," Minsoo sighs, the words devoid of venom as he rests his forehead on the table. "No, genuinely - fuck you."

"You're a dick," Boba states, and Minsoo half-heartedly tries to kick her leg. It fails, and she stares at him, gaze devoid of emotion. "That was pathetic."

"Your mom is pathetic."

"Really?"

Minsoo makes a sound halfway between a groan and a scream, and Boba whacks his head with her palm, lips pursing into a frown as even _that_ does nothing to move him.

"Hey. Hey, dumbshit. Move."

"Go 'way," Minsoo groans, pulling his hood over his head.

"What're you going to do here?"

"Nap."

Boba's pretty certain that Minsoo can't absorb brain cells just by sleeping near something smarter than he is, but kudos to him for trying.

"Fine," she shrugs, giving him one last whack on the head before hopping off the table. She shifts into a cat before she hits the ground, and she lands primly on all four paws, tail lashing as she stares up at Minsoo's slumped-over form.

Dick.

* * *

"This is a horrible idea."

"This is a _wonderful_ idea."

Boba glowers at him, pushing up the sleeves of Dongho's hoodie from where they've flopped over her hands. His hood falls down to her nose, and the hem of the sweatshirt falls at her knees, the dark fabric nearly drowning her.

Daehyun looks entirely too smug for someone with glasses and a piece of lint stuck in his hair, and Boba glowers at him as she takes a seat next to him, crossing her legs under her and leaning against the wall.

"You're observing!" Daehyun beams, and Boba decides to avoid pointing out that Minsoo actually asked her to do this ages ago and she told him to fuck off.

That's not important. 

After all, even idiots can occasionally have a moment of enlightenment. How else would Gabriel get anything done?

"I don't want to observe."

"I'm paying you back," Daehyun corrects, idly tuning his guitar. "You helped me get Tayler back!"

"You don't need to pay me back."

"But I want to! And besides..."

Daehyun raises his head, lips curled into a bright grin. "You're fun to hang out with!"

Boba has never heard such a blatant lie in all of her thousand years of living, and she once had to listen to Michael give a speech at Gabriel's promotion party.

God bless Raphael, there. It's not easy to drag an intoxicated High Angel off the stage while he shrieks obscenities and bits about how "in Hell you get to slaughter people", but somehow Raphael managed it.

That was a great night.

"Why're you smiling, noona?"

"Just remembering," Boba smiles, resting her chin on her hand. "Just remembering..."

The expression on Raphael's face as Michael threw up on him, punched him in the mouth, and started trying to crawl towards Gabriel is one she'll never forget. God bless the invention of film, and god bless whatever blessed soul recorded it.

("She's smiling," Daehyun whispers, shooting furtive glances at her as he cups his hand around the phone. "Hyung, hyung, she's _smiling_.")

* * *

Shockingly, it isn't even Minsoo that fucks it all up.

No, this one rests squarely on Boba's shoulders.

...and also partially on Minsoo, because everything can eventually be traced back to him. It's the Rule of Minsoo - everything that goes wrong in Boba's life is in some way, shape, or form, tied to Minsoo. Stubbed toe? Minsoo. Late day? Minsoo. Got mugged? Probably Minsoo. 

Ah, she loves the Rule of Minsoo.

Anyways.

She decides to get up at two in the morning, because she is an Adult™️ and she can get a snack at two in the morning if she fucking wants to, because she is responsible and knows what she is doing, and this, of course, turns into a huge fucking mistake.

She's sitting on the counter in an oversized t-shirt with a chocolate bar in her hands when the light flicks on, and she and Dongho lock eyes, neither party moving for one long second.

"What the fuck," Dongho finally states, and Boba takes that opportunity to take another bite of her chocolate bar. "What the _fuck_."

"Hey," Boba simply states, chewing viciously on her chocolate bar.

Maybe if she tries hard enough, she can chew away her shame.

" _What the fuck_ ," Dongho repeats, a hint of hysteria seeping into his voice. "Who are you?"

"Your cat," Boba replies, because fuck if she isn't in too deep to come back out now. 

"Did Minsoo put you up to this?" Dongho asks, and Boba takes another bite of her chocolate bar, relishing the flavor as it spreads over her taste buds. 

"Ssh. I need to finish this chocolate bar."

"Minsoo-yah?" Dongho calls, and Boba takes another bite, watching the scene with detached apathy. "Lee Minsoo, I know you're awake."

"Fuck you," Minsoo grumbles, trudging into the kitchen. "Fuck you, and fuck your cat."

"And you wonder why I hate you," Boba simply replies, leaning over to kick Minsoo in the shin.

Minsoo stares at her for a moment, eyes dull, before they light up in an instant. "Ha! _Ha_! It's you! Hyung, hyung, it's her- it's Boba- I _told you_ I wasn't going crazy!"

"I'm so sorry," Dongho states, cutting the leader off. "How much did he pay you?"

Boba rolls her eyes and chucks the wrapper into the trashcan. "He doesn't have a thousand won."

Instead, she leaps off the counter, transforming into a cat before she hits the ground.

"What the fuck," Dongho whispers, gaze flitting between a triumphant Minsoo and an unimpressed Boba. "What the _fuck_."

"I knew it!" Minsoo shouts, throwing his hands in the air. "I _fucking knew it_!"

Boba lashes her tail as Dongho walks back to his room in total silence, and Minsoo crouches in front of her, expression scrunched in bewilderment.

"Why did you do that?"

Boba stares at him, then blinks very slowly.

"You could've just lied," Minsoo continues, doubt flickering in his eyes, "so why didn't you?"

Boba, once again, blinks very slowly.

Fucking conversations. She just wanted to eat her goddamn chocolate bar.

"...it's cause you like me, isn't it?"

Minsoo's lips curve into a smirk, and Boba takes that opportunity to claw his forehead.

* * *

Boba's around ninety percent sure Dongho thinks he's losing his mind.

When she walks out of his room the next morning, Dongho stares at her and blinks _very slowly_ before taking another sip of his coffee, gaze pinned on her even as she shifts into a cat mid-step. Later that day, when she's sitting on the couch with Jaewon, she tries shifting into a cat mid-discussion, and he stares at her for a few seconds before heading into the kitchen - likely for vodka.

Dongho can be an idiot sometimes.

"Hey," she finally states, and Dongho stares at her for a moment - she's sitting cross-legged in the center of the bed, positioned in such a way that there's no way he can sleep - and walks right the fuck back out the door. " _Hey_ -"

She grabs his wrist, and he wheels, betrayed gaze flickering to her. 

"You lied to me."

"Would you have believed the truth?"

"That you're a magical shapeshifting angel?" Dongho laughs, voice tinged with a bit of hysteria. "No. Because that's _not fucking real_."

"Well, I hate to inform you..."

Boba gives him over-the-top jazz hands, and Dongho looks like he's seriously considering somersaulting out the window to escape all his problems. "...but I'm pretty real!"

"You-"

"Oh my _god_ , hyung," Minsoo groans, hopping up to drape himself over Dongho's back. It's really more of an awkward piggyback, but he makes it work. "Why can't you believe in a whimsical magic world? You'd look great with fairy wings!"

"Get off my back."

"Not until you acknowledge that noona's real."

"Screw off," Boba and Dongho chorus, and Minsoo gives them a cheeky grin in response.

"Nope. Wow, you two really _do_ think alike!"

"Go away, Minsoo," Dongho sighs, and Minsoo climbs off his back, hiding the contents of his hands behind his back. "What do you have there?"

"Nothing," Minsoo innocently replies, bounding off to the front door. "Be back soon!"

"Wha-"

and he's gone.

"Why is this so hard to believe?" Boba asks, knowing full well why it's so hard to believe. "I'm a magic angel who's looking out for you."

"Yeah, but this isn't an anime."

"You would know," Boba dryly remarks, and Dongho pales.

"If you ever mention that to them-"

"Oh, I didn't even _consider that_!"

"Boba-"

"I can't hear you over the sounds of me exposing all your secrets!"

" _Boba_ -"

"Hyung!" Daehyun shrieks, and the pair moves in silent unison to the window, where they're met with the sight of Minsoo cackling in front of a flaming pile.

A flaming pile that happens to contain his meds.

"Goddammit, Minsoo," Dongho sighs, and Boba couldn't agree more.

* * *

"...tell me again why you want to do this?"

"I'm a collector," Boba states, despite being no such thing. "I want to get all four."

"...uh-huh."

Michael stares up at her, eyes dull with apathy. "And you needed to bring this directly to me because?"

"I've had enough of Gabriel for the next millennia," Boba deadpans, and Michael chokes on a wheeze, because _if he had that fucking luxury-_

"I see," he finally replies, once he's managed to stop wheezing like an asthmatic teakettle. "Well, you're approved."

"I'm glad this could be so cordial," Boba hums, and Michael blinks at her, bewildered. "Goodbye, Michael."

"Wait- _cordial_? Boba, what do you-"

"I got another present!" Gabriel chirps, bursting into his office, and Michael stares at the paper bag in his hands, at a loss for words.

His eyebrow twitches once.

Then again.

"I'm transferring to Hell."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alternate chapter summary:  
> boba is genuinely done with everyone's shit
> 
> that's a wrap! i'm not super sure if i like where it ended, but it felt fitting :D and boba secretly likes minsoo she just doesn't want to show it.  
> it's like you like a cat who's always running into walls and tripping over stuff - they're clumsy, but it's adorable. that's it. minsoo is the cat. except with fire. he's that cat but on fire.
> 
> this chapter is dedicated to activelyweird who helped me figure out this fic and steer it out of angst territory! go check her stuff out :)

**Author's Note:**

> [twit](https://twitter.com/i_was_human_) | [lit fic discord!](https://discord.gg/CNunB74)


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